Investing for the Rapture
(Note for the humour-impaired: this post is not investment advice; this post is comedy. Carry on.)
As you should all know from extensive news coverage, the Rapture will arrive at 6pm on Saturday, and God will take all of his chosen people up to heaven for the least alcoholic Saturday night ever. Those who choose to turn away from him, however, will be left on earth for six months of unrelenting torment (and Facebook-organised looting - 455,518 people attending!