Because Pop Rocks
Totally unrelated to finance, but in the interests of getting something up on the front page (in my defence, I was stuck on a tropical island without any internets for two whole days and had to resort to reading something called a “book”), here’s your editor’s new favourite band. From Rock Sugar’s official history:
1989 should have been the best year ever for Rock Sugar, the big haired heavy metal band that had just broken the top 41 on the rock radio charts with their solid brass debut album “Bang You Like A Drum”. But instead of headlining concerts, Rock Sugar made the headlines when they were presumed lost forever after playing an extremely ill advised gig celebrating the bat mitzvah of 13-year-old Lisa Rosenberg.
_Having been denied rescue, the band credit their miraculous ability to make it to the shore alive only because of their firmly held belief that “sharks don’t eat metal”. Left to their own extremely questionable survival skills, Rock Sugar managed to salvage several items from the sunken yacht. In addition to their instruments, they retrieved a hot pink battery powered boom box covered with stickers of Hello Kitty, a crate of batteries, 158 cases of schnapps and numerous articles of teenage girls clothing, most of which the band admit to trying on and several pieces of which apparently fit and looked “pretty frickin’ awesome”. But things got worse when the horrified rockers discovered that the only music available for them to listen to was little Lisa Rosenberg’s very pop, very 13 year-old girl’s, very ‘80’s CD collection.
Don’t Stop The Sandman (the first track from their new album) should give you a pretty good idea of what they’re about. The clip is right down below.
(Also - I can’t decide whether Shook Me Like A Prayer (it’s exactly what you think it is) is sacrilegious or sacrilicious, but it can’t be as criminal as Celine Dion’s awful, awful, awful version - which was voted the Worst Cover Song Ever and previously mentioned on JRE as justification for invading Canada.)