But then Italy wouldn't have any footballers left!

From Jeremy Clarkson’s review of the Mazda6 2.2 Sport Diesel:

_I even have some ideas for football. When Ronaldo is tapped on the ankle, he falls over clutching his face as though he’s tumbled into a vat of acid. This spoils the flow of the game and may result in an unjust free kick being awarded.

What I’d like to suggest is that any player who’s in that much pain plainly has no future and should be put down. No, really. I’d have a vet at each match, and anyone writhing around on the floor like a big girl’s blouse would be shot in the back of the head with a humane killer. This is not capital punishment. It’s kindness.


The entire population of Australia would support this proposal.