Audiophile magazine decoder guide

I was looking around on Google in search of some decent reviews of A/V receivers, and I ran across this priceless piece of audiophile wankery. Here are some choice excerpts from the article, and a translation from Reviewer-ese into english. Simply put, the TX-DS989 has been designed by Onkyo to be the ultimate audio-visual receiver where owners will want for virtually nothing either now or in the future. “It’s good.” _ the unit complies with IEEE-1394 upgrade capability protocols; _ “It has a Firewire port.” The power supply section is ultra heavy-duty and about as robist as you can get. “I failed fifth-grade spelling.” this unit features Onkyo’s WRAT (Wide Range Amplifier Technology) to achieve a frequency response rating of up 100kHz frequency response. “Onkyo invested lots of time and money in making sure it could produce sounds that are inaudible to humans.” The receiver was outstanding in all areas and is in an enviable position to cope with even more exacting speaker systems. “You can plug it into speakers.” More after the jump.

it’s THX Ultra Certified; “Onkyo paid lots of money to THX.” You’ll likely get at least 130 watts RMS per channel into 8 ohms “The review copy from Onkyo sayd that you’d get at least 130 watts into 8 ohms, and they wouldn’t lie about that, would they?” and while that may be comparable to some competitive receivers, they only generate the power into five channels, the 989 pushes it out into seven channels and with discrete design on each channel. “There aren’t any other amps that do 200W/chan into 6 ohms, are there?” A high efficiency fan system is used to keep the amplifier cool “It has a fan.” _ and while fan noise is not apparent during movie play_ “I couldn’t hear the fan over the explosions from my DivX copy of Austin Powers.” a minor amount of intermittent fan whir is generated after a heavy session as the unit returns to temperature stasis. “It turns the fan on when it needs to cool down.” And what on earth is “temperature stasis?” The performance of the 989 is very impressive. There’s plenty of superbly clean power, which manifests itself during play as more sound with better impact lower noise, “It’s so loud that you think the sound is better quality.” indeed everything you will need for top flight reformance. At this point, I had to stop and check whether I had somehow introduced errors between hitting “copy” from the article and hitting “paste” into MovableType, because that’s the only possible explanation for an alleged audiophile magazine referring to “reformance”. I guess its performance can be described by the effortless way with which it relays audio information “It plays music.” and the apparent silence where there should be silence. “I turned it off and it didn’t make any noise! Wow!” Onkyo has made the 989 future-proof by including […] an IEEE-1394 board slot. “It doesn’t actually HAVE Firewire, but you can pay extra to add it!” There’s a large 35-segment dot-matrix fluorescent display, simple and easy operation, onscreen display, parameter selector and lock function, a motorised front control door, a backlit learning remote controller with macro function and LCD display, a headphone ouput jack, display dimmer and sleep timer. “I copy and pasted from the Onkyo review sheet.” The unit is a delight to use - once it’s prodigious capabilities are understood a squillion buttons have been pressed (or maybe I just get off on such things). … … … … Is this the best audio-video receiver on the market? Yes, by a wide margin too. In fact it’s the finest current technology can provide in a stand-alone receiver! “Maybe Onkyo will let me keep the test unit if I suck up hard enough.”