“Felony wedgification”?

Or, what constitutes breaking news in North Platte, Nebraska:

At 8:16 p.m. on April 22, a North Platte police patrolman was dispatched by the 911 Center to a North Platte home in the 200 block of William Avenue on the complaint of a wedgie.

[…]

The police spokesman said they are ever vigilant and on the lookout for wedgies here.

“You might get away with that in Lincoln or Omaha,” the spokesman said. “But we’re not going to allow wedgies in North Platte.”

It’s like someone at the North Platte Bulletin was deliberately trying for the front page of Fark.

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